Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Oh, You . . You . . . Guys!

Inquiring minds:
The Hill asked all 97 senators who are not running for president the same question: “If you were asked, would you accept an offer to be the VP nominee?”

Some senators laughed, but others took the question seriously.

Remind us to tar and feather the poor bastards that took it seriously later
Sen. Lamar "Flannel Shirt" Alexander (R-Tenn.)
“I know already who it will be: the man in charge of the search. There’s no need for me to respond. That’s how you get to be vice president.”
Ouch! Burn! And he's a Republican!
Sen. Wayne Allard (R-Colo.)
“You got your answer — a laugh. The president’s going to make that choice. You can see how much I’ve thought about it.”
What's worse than a sheep? A cynical sheep that mutters the truth while following the herd . .
Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyo.)
“We already have a vice president from Wyoming. So we’ll have to see if Sen. McCain asks me to chair his selection committee. That seems to work well. It certainly seemed to work well for the last guy from Wyoming.”
Someone needs to hide the alcohol and sleeping pills at the Capitol.
Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.)
“No, I can already preside over the Senate, and I do not enjoy spending a lot of time at ‘undisclosed locations.’ ”
Byrd, you chucklefiend!
Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho)
“I would say ‘No, Hillary.’ ”
One would have to wonder what Hillary would be doing in the Men's Room, Larry.
Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.)
“No. I don’t like going to funerals.”
And hide the sharp pointy things too.
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.)
“Once is enough. I already have the T-shirt and I’m proud of it. I yield to my colleagues.”
. . and dozens of angry, paranoid voices all screamed out at once . .
Sen. Barbara Mikulski (D-Md.)
“Absolutely. Absolutely. I think I would be great. First of all, I know how to behave at weddings and funerals. And I know how to be commander in chief. I’d bring a lot of fun to the job. We would rock the Naval Observatory.”
And need I remind the honorable Senator that she was born in 1936? All she's rocking is the glider in her living room.
Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska)
“No. I’ve got too many things that I still want to do as a senator. And I don’t like the idea of a job where you sit around and wait for someone to die.”
Jeeez . . have you had your Metamucil today, Ted?

And last:
Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.)
“I have a unique perspective on this. I am the only senator to have announced I am not running for president because there should be someone here to serve as the Senate’s designated driver. I intend to stay in that position. The Senate needs a designated driver to stay behind and work on healthcare.”

I bet he doesn't put out on the first date, either.


iamcoyote said...

What a great list, idio! Funny how many 'pukes don't seem to like Cheney. But they love money more, so he's tolerated.

idiosynchronic said...

If you read the article, the sense of dread and despair seems to ooze off of the GOP membership. And those running for their incumbencies are doubly bad while stressing their only wish to keep their jobs. Some Dems are stick up the arse, I won't comment, but they're not nearly as bad.