New Articulation Leads To Battle Grip Charity

One point of difference between my wife and I has been our experiences with poverty, child jobs, panhandling and social acceptance. I grew up Eisenhower Republican - for awhile when I was growing up, my family didn't have much money, but we got the bills paid. I had an allowance, but didn't need or care about money until I started throwing newspapers at 12. My folks, strong Methodist Christians, firmly believed that the only charity was the sort that encouraged others to work their fair share. Street corner panhandlers were bums and drug addicts, even the veterans who still heard bombs and screams in the night. Single mothers were to be pitied and their children helped, but the mothers made their choices, and should expect to pay for them. Until I was throwing papers, I never went door-to-door unless it was UNICEF or a school or scout fundraiser.

My wife grew up poor. Her mother has been a habitual drug user until the last 10 years. She raised her 2 children with a succession of boyfriends whom were long-term, but whom also had drug dependencies. M's grandmother raised her grandchildren as much as her daughter did, and her grandmother had also raised her family as single-parent in the 1950's. M and her brother often sold candy and other things both for fundraisers but also just for money which to buy clothes and school supplies. My wife and her family never begged, but there were many nights where they slept in friend's homes and their extended family helped pay the immediate overdue bills.

So it's a bit of an issue between us when door-to-door sales people come around or when we see people camped out at the interstate exits. M knows something of this day-to-day existence and gives them a few bucks; I've always been taught that those people will blow it on booze or other poor choices and will pass them by. My own IRL nature is also one not to call attention to myself or others, and the whole nature of the panhandling transaction is uncomfortable to both parties, although my discomfort cannot be anything measurable to the panhandler's. Luckily, it's not an argument thing with us, just one thing that I think my wife insists on while I simply obey her wishes because She's Got Reason.

What got me here is this link from Athenae at First-Draft, Getting Taken. And there it is - why and what is important about direct charity. "You do the job in front of you." An answer my wife, whom preaches the Bible as a career to hundreds every week, was never able to get across to me. "You do the job in front of you." You don't scream at the dirty slacker to get a job, or tell the pregnant women paying with food stamps to quit spreading her legs. You don't comfort yourself that your contributions to the Sunday offering plate going to relief and assistance organizations are enough and the only right thing to do. You buy what you can from the kid selling overpriced magazine subscriptions, because even though he sees less than 5% of the money you hand over and the company is taking advantage of everyone, it's money he's working hard for and money he may desperately need.

The original threads with thousands of responses is at Dooce's Place.